The joys of Tennessee winters Amy Grant doesn't sing about
For starters (no automotive pun intended), yesterday was a rainy day. I don't mind rainy days unless they are subsequently followed by dramatic drops in temperature. The net effect is that all that sogginess turns to solid ice.
Thus this morning when I left the house at the less-than-happy hour of 4:30am, my car door locks were frozen, and all the doors frozen shut. My only recourse was to open the back hatch and climb across three rows of seats to get the the driver's seat of my van, start the engine (which sounded genuinely surprised that it was being asked to awaken at such an cold and unfriendly hour), and make my way to Starbucks, looking through the six-inch hole I was able to create in the frost on my windshield, hoping to avoid trees, other vehicles and the odd dog-sled.
Wait - it gets better . . .
Upon arriving at work (on time, thank you), a couple of my car doors had unlocked but were not yet thawed enough for me to get out. To further complicate things, there is no handle to open the back hatch from the inside. My only solution? The passenger side window was the only one that would open sufficiently for me to exit a la Luke Duke. But in order to then close that window, I had to RE-ENTER my vehicle through the back hatch, climb across the seats once more, turn the key to close the window, then back out the hatch again. Once closed, the doors were still too frozen to lock.
My waiting co-workers were stunned and amazed by this performance that was both impressive and somehow painfully pathetic.
Not a snowflake in sight, mind you. That's the worst part, I think.
Thus this morning when I left the house at the less-than-happy hour of 4:30am, my car door locks were frozen, and all the doors frozen shut. My only recourse was to open the back hatch and climb across three rows of seats to get the the driver's seat of my van, start the engine (which sounded genuinely surprised that it was being asked to awaken at such an cold and unfriendly hour), and make my way to Starbucks, looking through the six-inch hole I was able to create in the frost on my windshield, hoping to avoid trees, other vehicles and the odd dog-sled.
Wait - it gets better . . .
Upon arriving at work (on time, thank you), a couple of my car doors had unlocked but were not yet thawed enough for me to get out. To further complicate things, there is no handle to open the back hatch from the inside. My only solution? The passenger side window was the only one that would open sufficiently for me to exit a la Luke Duke. But in order to then close that window, I had to RE-ENTER my vehicle through the back hatch, climb across the seats once more, turn the key to close the window, then back out the hatch again. Once closed, the doors were still too frozen to lock.
My waiting co-workers were stunned and amazed by this performance that was both impressive and somehow painfully pathetic.
Not a snowflake in sight, mind you. That's the worst part, I think.
posted by Chris at 1:10 PM
4 Comments:
Oh man that was... highly entertaining. When I got off work at the cheery hour of 4 this morning I had to crawl in through the passenger door. Nothing to compare with your acrobatics though.
Of course, you know, Son, I would have gotten quite a kick out of watching all of this. I'm sitting here chuckling as I type. I always knew you were entertaining but your talents and ingenuity go beyond my imagination!
I think it would be enjoyable if Amy Grant DID write a song about all of this. Next time, wear a leotard and twirl a fire baton. It would be much more entertaining.
No, there is no reason of leotards or fire batons...
I think the last line is my favorite.
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